In the not so distant past I have been through quite a few personal issues but the details of these aren't the important part. At first, it took me a long time to accept that anything was wrong and reaching out for help was probably one of the hardest things that I have ever done. And from there nothing got any easier. I've had many things to tackle; thoughts and feelings that I didn't feel strong enough to fight. But I came out of the other end. Dragged out kicking and screaming at first, but out is out.
More recently I have been wondering how I know when I'm actually 'better'. Is it the moment that you decide you want to live differently? The moment you reach out for help? Or is it when you've had help? Just because you've had some 'help' does that automatically constitute as being fixed? Because that doesn't seem to make sense to me. How can you be better because someone else decides you've had enough help? So I stopped and thought about it a little bit harder. Maybe you're better when you decide that you want to be. Or maybe not.
I was asked recently, by one person who has been helping right from the moment things came out, if things were going okay. I knew exactly what was meant by 'things' and how supportive she's still being completely baffles me. I'm pretty sure I don't deserve it. But that day the reply I managed to find was 'I think so' because I didn't know. I didn't know what constituted for 'okay'. I didn't know how to define it but it seems that I didn't need to. The reply I got was 'That's good! Everything's just a work in progress'
And that's the answer to my question. It took someone on the outside to answer it for me. It's just a work in progress. Nothing's ever changed instantaneously, at least, nothing that's worth changing. And that's okay. There will always be good days and bad days but, most importantly, on those bad days there WILL always be someone who wants to help if you reach out. I'm always will to help! Bad days are completely normal and OKAY! No one is perfect all of the time, everyone has flaws and their own personal battles to face. They make us all unique and some things stay with us forever but that doesn't mean we have to let them define us.
Keep smiling,
Kathryn x
