What's the worst that can happen?

For a long time I have been scared of doing new things. Sounds a little crazy written down like that but maybe craziness is what helps keep the world spinning around...




When it comes to going out with friends, my parents have always been quite strict I guess. For me, it wasn't just the usual 'be back by ten' or being given the third degree about who I go with/where I go. It was more, 'you're wasting time that you should be spending on school work and training'. And, as much as I understand that they had the best intentions/were probably a bit worried, it has led to sort of a mental intolerance to social activities.




In my head, I feel guilty for wanting to spend time with friends, going out to parties or just having a catch up over coffee because I should be 'spending my time better'. But I've come to realise that there's no better way to spend your time than being happy. Despite this, it's still hard. I have to justify to myself my own reasoning for going if that makes sense? And because I'm not used to it and I know I'm going against my parents wishes, I worry excessively and panic so things don't always go all that well. To most of you, this is probably crazy but it has turned me into someone who fears being in an environment with other people. But this has just become a bigger and bigger issue because it leads to fear in other situations like interviews and meetings. And I realised that I need to do something about these fears before it becomes something that holds me back.




So even though I know that my parents still don't like me going to parties (yes, I am 18) I have tried more recently. And at first I was just worried and didn't enjoy it all that much. But after learning to relax a little more, I have discovered that, among the right people, it can be so much fun and maybe it's a shame that I've wasted too much time being too scared of things going wrong that I haven't let them go right either.




So I've promised myself that from now on I am going to try new things. I may not always enjoy them, but how will I know that I don't if I never try? And what is the worst that can happen? Is it really worth living a life not taking risks when you could find something that you love more than anything?




Keep smiling,
Kathryn x

Autumn

It's getting to that time of the year when I have to admit that things aren't going to be the same for ever. The bright summer days are all drawing to a close and, although we are still getting some beautiful sunsets, they're fewer and far between. All of the juicy green leaves on the trees have turned to a shade of golden brown. They've fallen to the ground and that's only a metaphor for everything that's going on around...

Times are changing, people are changing and it's scary. It's scary that what felt so strong has now been and gone. It's scary that people you were once so close to are now more distant that ever. But it's only when things are gone that you appreciate what you had and autumn makes me realise this. Understandably, things won't remain the same for ever; good things fall apart so that better things can fall together. 

And sometimes when you look outside on a crisp autumnal morning, you look straight through the blustery streets and past the fallen leaves to realise that there are some trees that still have those juicy green leaves. Those leaves will never change and likewise, some people in your life will never leave. Some things will always be a part of you. I've come to realise that I should be extremely thankful for the comfort of that thought.

It can be to remember that when good things are leaving your life, they're only making way for better things to enter. And YOU still have control. It's okay to want to hold on to the past but you'll always have the memories so it's okay to move on too!

Keep smiling,

Kathryn x