Happy Sad Tears

I finished my exams yesterday. The final one was Decision 2 (a maths module) and I'm quite pleased with how it went but we'll have to wait and see what happens on August 13th.

When I walked out of the exam I felt a huge wave of relief rush over me; everything I'd worked so hard for over the past couple of years had finally ended. But only for a few moments before I felt kind of sad and melancholic.

My college is a sixth form at the secondary school I went to so I've spent the best part of seven years with the same people, in the same buildings and with the same teachers. And, over the past 6-12 months especially, the place has become more of a second home to me. Maybe even a first home. And the people, they became a second family. So I think it's only expected that the thought of leaving is a little bit sad. It's the close of the biggest chapter of my life.

I know that it's not really over, because I'm still going back as work experience and because I'll stay in touch with everyone who is important to me but for now I am still a little bit sad and I think that's acceptable.

Keep smiling,
Kathryn x

P.S I'd quite like to know your answers to this: Have any of you ever felt similar to this or had similar experiences?

Only human

Something that I know I often do is push myself too hard; I expect myself to do things that I can't or don't have time for then get annoyed at myself when I make a mistake, don't get something done on time or don't get it done perfectly. And I think this may be something that you'll be able to identify with.

As human nature goes, we have a huge tendency to expect too much of ourselves and just be too hard on ourselves. This ends up wearing us out and breaking ourselves down. We agree to things in a desperate effort to please other people but at the end of the day, there's no way that you can ever please EVERYONE. There will always be someone who wanted you to be better, faster, smarter, stronger or more sociable. But you are you and your characteristics make that true! You're flaws, mistakes and the way you deal with them make you unique and perfect and don't let anyone every change them! 

The reason I'm writing this is to say that sometimes you need to accept that saying no to something is okay. If you don't have the relevant skills to do something or the time to do it well (or just need a break) that's okay. If you explain yourself absolutely no one can blame you for taking care of yourself every once in a while. If you're struggling with something it's okay to take a while to consider your options and work out what's best for you; don't feel like something's wrong because you can't figure out what you want right now. And you don't need to be hard on yourself for making mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes after all, we're only human! 

Keep smiling, 

Kathryn x 

Education: the right way?

The eduction cycle: school, college, university then a good job. It's that simple isn't it? Well, for me it is the right route. In fact, it's most probably the only sensible route into my chosen career. However, this is not the 'right way'. There is no right way when it comes to education and everyone's path is different.

Recently I've been thinking about what I could be doing if I wasn't in college and I know that there's nothing I want to be doing more but, for some people, it doesn't suit their personality. There are so many options nowadays that there is something for everyone and there is no excuse for someone to be forced into something that they don't want to do. Many of my friends who have chosen routes different to mine were unsure when following their dreams because they thought other people would think less of them for choosing a less conventional option. But what gives anyone the right to judge you for following your dreams? Why shouldn't you be able to do a degree in English, Geography or Sport science? Do an apprenticeship or drop out of college to get a job? If you are taking the next step that is right for you, where is the problem?

I guess what I'm trying to do is spread the message that as long as YOU are happy with what you're doing, why shouldn't anyone else be? Why should you have to do something to fit in with convention or to satisfy someone else? I've spent a long time trying to please other people but know now that it's me who has to live my life, and I should do it the way that I want to! So next time you feel like you're not going the right way just because it's not the most common, take a moment to think twice!

Keep smiling,

Kathryn x

Why I do bother!

Recently, a few things have happened to me that have had me asking the same thing repeatedly: 'Why do I bother?' And I just thought it would be a good idea to write about it; to give you advice and to help me when I find I'm thinking like this in the future.  

Okay so this has happened a few times to me...

I always (and I mean always) try to be super nice to other people. I guess I just like to think I'm either improving someone's day or keeping the world a happy place. However, more than once, I've tried my hardest to include people that otherwise would have been completely ignored by everyone, just to have it thrown back in my face! After trying particularly hard with one person it really annoyed me to find out that they'd started spreading lies about me behind my back. 

Now, what makes it worse is that this person doesn't know me but, most of all, it is NEVER right to do this. To make someone feel awful is wrong. To spread lies about someone you barely know, someone who tried their hardest to make you feel included and help you out doesn't really encourage them to do it again, does it? 

After I'd heard the things that'd been said I was quite upset but, not only that, I'd lost all confidence in myself. I started to worry and panic then wondered how I should treat her next time I see her. But then I realised something. It's not in my character to treat her any differently. I would feel even worse if I started to treat her differently.

There could be any number of reasons for her saying the things she did. None of those things make her actions justifiable but they could make them slightly more understandable and I guess it's better to forgive but not forget than to let on to her.

Some wise words from Atticus Finch 'Before I can live with other people, I have to live with myself' helped me to learn that I should concern myself with my own actions before I bother about anyone else's!

Keep smiling, 

Kathryn x

Booktober

I am a very big fan of Carrie Fletcher who, in case you didn't know, is quite a well-known Youtuber amongst other things. She created 'Booktober' a couple of years ago and basically the idea is to read a new book each week in October. This year I wanted to give it a go! 

I will be reading a new book each week (because I'm a little bookworm!) but I'm doing things a little bit differently! I'm going to write a blog post each week so coming back for a quick review about what I've been reading as well as recommendations! 

Keep smiling, 

Kathryn x

Quick update and exciting news

A few of you may or may not be aware that I'm going away this afternoon for quite a while. I'm travelling to Ghana in Africa with a couple of other people from college and I will be staying there for two weeks! It's something that I'm extremely excited for because I know that it's something not everyone gets the chance to do and it will be fantastic to be able to help out people who are less fortunate than I am.

I'm only arriving in Ghana on Friday and while I'm there I should have some internet access but it won't be reliable. I'll try to post an update whenever possible but I'm sure I'll be back with plenty of news soon!

Keep smiling!

Kathryn x

What do you want to do in the future?

So this is going to be a different sort of blog post today. I haven't posted for a while and wanted to write but didn't have anything in particular to write about so I decided to just let my pen take control and see where it went. 

Since I've just finished my exams and my first year at college (year 12) and applying for university starts in September, I've been asked a lot about what it is I want to do in the future and I guess it's made me realise that I don't actually know, but that's okay! Sometimes it really is okay to be unsure of things. It just means that you're taking your time to consider things so that you don't rush into something that you don't really want to do.

For a while I've had a couple of options and one of those is to do medicine at university and then become a doctor. I have quite a lot of experience of the life changing things that doctors do and thought it would be absolutely fantastic to be able to help people like that. However, I've done quite a lot of voluntary work in hospitals and realised that often, the reality of the job isn't quite the same as you think. It is still something that I'm considering but I'd have to find a specialism with the minimal amount of paperwork possible as the main reason I'm interested in this is for the patient contact time. Which I guess could seem odd to some people who know me well as I can get quite anxious in social situations but, from my own experience, I'm not too bad in small groups for example when I'm teaching at swimming or in a classroom. So, I'm not by any means doubting the excellent work that medical professionals do. I'm just wondering whether or not the current system is something that I'd be happy working with because I believe that you never really work a day if you're doing something that you enjoy! 

One more thing that I've thought about is a career in teaching. I think it would give me plenty of opportunity to work with different types of people and the work experience I have done in schools has been really fun. I don't think I'd ever be able to teach in a primary school (the children are all way too small) but I quite enjoy maths and think I wouldn't be too much of a bad secondary school maths teacher. Again, because maths is something I enjoy, I think doing a degree in maths then a PGCE would be quite a good career choice for me but I'm not too sure. I may enjoy the degree so much that I choose a different career in maths. I know that by September I really need to have decided what I'm going to do and it may be one of these or I could choose something completely different but for the time being I'm not going to worry too much about it and just enjoy my summer. As long as I end up in a career that I enjoy, it doesn't matter too much to me and its probably what's here right now that I should be focusing on. Whatever happens, happens and you have to trust that you'll make the right decisions as they come along.

So in short, I'm not too bothered about what I do as a career or anything. I just want to have a job where I am happy and I'm in a position where I can make other people happy! But I do want to hear from you. What do you want to do in the future?

Keep smiling,

Kathryn x

Looking For Alaska: book review

Having now finished reading John Greene's novel 'Looking for Alaska's, I am back, as promised, with a quick review for you to (hopefully) enjoy. I have no intentions of spoiling it in any way but just in case you're currently reading it or about to read it, you may choose not to read any further for now and that's fine!

Looking For Alaska is quite clearly aimed at a young adult audience although it could easily be enjoyed by people of other ages and I wouldn't let the target audience put anyone off giving John Green's novels a try.

The novel tells the story of Miles, the protagonist, who leaves his school in Florida (where he is far from popular) to join a boarding school in Alabama. When he arrives he meets his roommate, The Colonel, who provides him with the nickname Pudge and introduces him to Alaska. Alaska is quite a complex character whose respect for the rules is lacking in many areas, and it is the relationships between the three characters that are expected throughout the novel. 

I found the way that the novel was written extremely interesting. The first chapter is called 'One hundred and thirty-six days before' which leaves you pretty convinced that it is a countdown to a huge event but even knowing this doesn't quite leave you emotionally prepared. Without giving too much away, the final day leaves the characters separated and the days after take you on Miles' journey to discover the full events of that night. In some ways I found the final few pages a little bit predictable but I don't think it would be enough for me to dissuade anyone from reading it. 

Another thing I really loved about this book was the way two different, possibly clashing, personalities were brought together. Miles and the Colonel are from completely contrasting backgrounds but form a remarkable friendship which is tested to an extreme level.

There's not too much more that I can say without giving everything away but I can certainly say that I would recommend giving Looking For Alaska a read! Feel free to leave your views on the novel down below and if you have any book recommendations for me, please leave them too! 

Keep smiling,
Kathryn x 

See you soon

For the next few days I'm going to be away but I'll be back with a new post late Saturday or early Sunday.

Take care and keep smiling,

Kathryn

Introductions

In my last post I didn't really get a chance to introduce myself so I thought that would be a good place to start. In exchange, I'd like to hear all about some of you! You can do this by commenting, posting a link to your blog or any other way you see fit.

I'm Kathryn! Just your average 17-year old girl from England. Currently I'm at college studying for my A-levels and, to be honest, I'm not quite sure what I'll do afterwards. I mean, I've got some ideas but they never seem to satisfy everyone's hopes and dreams.

In my spare time I like to do quite a lot of different things so if you get bored easily I'd skip this paragraph! I love to swim; both competing myself and coaching/teaching others. Basically, I just enjoy everything about being near the pool and the feeling of freedom it gives. And I do hear what you're thinking: 'what about all of those crazy early morning sessions?' But you don't mind when it's something you love, honest.

Also, I thoroughly enjoy reading (the best form of escapism!) and writing. Not usually anything in particular so I'm always open to new suggestions. In fact, I've almost finished reading Looking for Alaska (which I would definitely recommend ) so be expecting a review soon! I also love listening to music but my taste in music is often considered to be 'odd' or 'a little strange' to other people.

I have other hobbies too but I'll get around to them at a later date. I look forward to hearing from some of you!

Keep smiling, 

Kathryn x

New starts

So, a blog? Well this is something new for me! A brand new, fun and exciting adventure that I'll hopefully be able to share with all of you. 

It's important to try new things every once in a while and that is something I know all too well. However, I'm usually a person who struggles to embrace and new starts, thinking too much over things that have been and gone which I have no control over. In fact, for various reasons, I've kind of become more of a creature of habit which is something that I see as one of my biggest weaknesses. Thinking about this made me wonder how I can challenge myself to try new things, hopefully without worrying or panicking too much, and still have fun (because I appreciate that some new things genuinely are certifying and far from fun). So imaginekathryn was born...

I've always loved writing but never the sort where you are told what too write and when to write it. (1000 word essay on themes in An Inspector Calls anyone?) I decided that starting this blog will help me to continue this enjoyment with the freedom of choice; I can include absolutely whatever I like!

Last Wednesday I had my final AS level exam and though this would be a brilliant time to start - with the whole summer ahead of me. Over the next few weeks I have quite a lot of exciting things going on and I hope that you guys don't mind me sharing them with you! And more than anything I'd just like this to be a positive place to help make your lives happier at the dullest and darkest of times (as well as all of the happy ones!)

Keep smiling,

Kathryn