Results madness

I returned home from a family Egypt very late Wednesday evening and by the time I got home it was the early hours of Thursday morning. Results day. I was shaking and worried, convinced I had failed everything, and scared about my future. And when I tried to sleep, my head filled up with thoughts of failure and panic. I probably got an hours sleep that night in fifteen minute bursts. 

The results were supposed to go online at six am so when there was nothing to be seen at this time my anxiety levels rose again. It was at half past seven that I looked on UCAS track and found out what my future would hold... 

I had been accepted to my firm choice!! I was so excited and still am! In the end I had to head up to school at 8am for my actual results which were as follows: A* in maths, A in further maths, B in biology, B in Chemistry and an A* in my EPQ. After such a difficult year for me in so many ways, I finally felt as though my work had paid off. But I was a little bit confused. My firm choice wanted A*AA and I only got A*AB. I hadn't made the grades but I still got accepted. I'm not complaining though. It feels like a second chance and now I genuinely do believe that if you work hard and always try your best, you will get what you want in the end.

My message to you is that whatever happens, it's for the best. Everything turns out well in the end and the day may not go as planned but that's just a hurdle. A stepping stone to the next adventure in your life. You can still shape your future however you want it to shape, you might just have to follow a different path for a little while.

Keep smiling,

Kathryn x

The Disney tag

Hello!

I've been tagged by my best friend Megan (megangoodier.blogspot.co.uk) to do the Disney tag and honestly I'm really, really excited to do it! So here goes...

1. A scene in any Disney movie you wish you could experience. 

Okay, I'm going to explain this one really badly but you know the part in the first Lilo and Stitch when they're both in the bedroom and Lilo explains about her parents and she tells Stitch that he can go if he wants to just like everyone else but she won't forget him. 

  2. An unforgettable experience moment you've had at the Parks.

Unfortunately I've never been to one of the Disney parks. Gasp. I know. It's not right, is it? But my parents just have never been anywhere near as Disney obsessed as I am.

          3. Which Disney Character can you relate too the most? 

Ooooh, a very tricky one. It's really hard because I feel like I can relate to different parts of different characters but I'm going to have to settle on Ariel...no...Pocahontas...Ariel, Pocahontas. Go with Pocahontas before I change my mind. 

4. When was the first time you went to a Disney Park?

See question two. The first time I was supposed to visit a Disney park was this summer but I wasn't allowed. Instead, I hope to visit one next year with a couple of friends.

5. If you could choose any of the characters to be your best friend who would you choose?

Mushu. I've always said that if I get a dog I'd call it Mushu. And a dog is a mans best friend. See my logic? Because I don't.

6. Who are you favorite Disney Princesses? 

Okay, there are so many I could list here but I'm going to try and restrict myself to just two. Firstly, Mulan because she's one of the first female characters I saw to show such strength, courage and determination. And secondly, Ariel because we share the same love/hate relationship with water! 

7. Name a scene/moment in any Disney movie that never fails to make your cry.

Same scene from the first question, lazy answer Kathryn. But it is true. 

8. What is the first Disney Movie you remember seeing?

The first Disney movie I can remember seeing is either Bambi or Alice in Wonderland and to this day they are two of my favourites. 

9. What is your favourite Disney Movie?

So many favourites...I can't possibly choose. Can I do a shortlist but in no particular order? Actually, of course I can - it's my blog!!

1) The Little Mermaid. No explanation needed for this one I don't think. 

2) Lilo and Stitch. The messages in this one are put across so well and I believe you can't fully appreciate the magic of the film until you're a little bit older

3) Mulan. The story behind this one is just fantastic. 

4) Pocahontas. The one with the best soundtrack, definitely 

10. What is your favourite Disney song?

I think the fact that I have an eight-hour playlist on my iPod dedicated to my favourite Disney songs should show you how difficult this is for me so just a few. Circle of Life from The Lion King. Part of Your World and Kiss the Girl from The Little Mermaid (I can remember dancing to both of these on the theatre when I was really little). Steady as the beating drum from Pocahontas but I'm not sure if that one can count. I was just about to finish then but there's more. Two worlds, Strangers Like Me, You'll be in my Heart all from Tarzan. No Way Out from Brother and the Bear. God Help the Outcasts. And the list continues...

11. What is your favourite Disney Duet?

A Whole New World because it was the first thing my Grandad taught me on the piano when I was six. And I don't think he's taught me anything since.

12. What is your Favorite attraction/ride at the parks?

Now you're just trying to torment me, right?

13. Who's the park character you never want to miss meeting at the parks?

Arghhh, the torment. But I imagine it would be Stitch, Mulan or Ariel

14. Favourite Disney sequel movie?

Lilo and Stitch II. Just because Stitch. And awwwhhh. And the music. Well my English skills have gone down the pan.

15. Favourite Disney couple?

Surely I have to say Minnie and Mickey Mouse. Where would any of us be without those two? 

16. Favourite Disney merchandise?

Either the Finding Nemo lanyard that I wear for work or my Disney Mug collection. You'll see that one day, I promise.

17. Favourite Disney Price?

Prince Adam because he's underrated as a prince and always seems to have good intentions really. This reminds me, I've missed a song from ten. No going back now though. 

18. If you could live in any world from a Disney movie, which would you choose?

This is a tricky one but I think I'd like to live in Neverland so that I never have to grow up.

19. Character that you think is very under-rated?

I have two again, sorry. Nani from LILO and Stitch and Blue Fairy from Pinnochio

20. Which Disney movie will always have a special place in your heart and for what reason?

Bambi. For all of the weak ankle, D of E jokes and for being one of tei that never fail to cheer me up when I have a bad day. 

That has been so much fun! Thanks for tagging me Meg! I tag anyone else who wants to do this tag. So leave me a link below if you do it. And if not, post your answer to just one of the questions.

Keep smiling,

Kathryn x

What's the worst that can happen?

For a long time I have been scared of doing new things. Sounds a little crazy written down like that but maybe craziness is what helps keep the world spinning around...




When it comes to going out with friends, my parents have always been quite strict I guess. For me, it wasn't just the usual 'be back by ten' or being given the third degree about who I go with/where I go. It was more, 'you're wasting time that you should be spending on school work and training'. And, as much as I understand that they had the best intentions/were probably a bit worried, it has led to sort of a mental intolerance to social activities.




In my head, I feel guilty for wanting to spend time with friends, going out to parties or just having a catch up over coffee because I should be 'spending my time better'. But I've come to realise that there's no better way to spend your time than being happy. Despite this, it's still hard. I have to justify to myself my own reasoning for going if that makes sense? And because I'm not used to it and I know I'm going against my parents wishes, I worry excessively and panic so things don't always go all that well. To most of you, this is probably crazy but it has turned me into someone who fears being in an environment with other people. But this has just become a bigger and bigger issue because it leads to fear in other situations like interviews and meetings. And I realised that I need to do something about these fears before it becomes something that holds me back.




So even though I know that my parents still don't like me going to parties (yes, I am 18) I have tried more recently. And at first I was just worried and didn't enjoy it all that much. But after learning to relax a little more, I have discovered that, among the right people, it can be so much fun and maybe it's a shame that I've wasted too much time being too scared of things going wrong that I haven't let them go right either.




So I've promised myself that from now on I am going to try new things. I may not always enjoy them, but how will I know that I don't if I never try? And what is the worst that can happen? Is it really worth living a life not taking risks when you could find something that you love more than anything?




Keep smiling,
Kathryn x

Where have you been?

So it seems that I haven't been around all that much, if at all, for the past couple of months. I'm sure you'll all appreciate that I am just coming the the end of year 13 so have had a lot on my plate juggling exams and the baggage that they bring along, my swimming training, keeping up a job to fund university accommodation fees for next year, and trying my hardest to remain somewhat close to sane. And out of all of those things I think that latter has been and still is the hardest (but that'll be a post for another day I think). I haven't yet finished my exams; I have one more on Wednesday morning but I'm taking a quick break from revision to write this because I've had an exam this morning and any more thinking might just turn my brain to mush. 

Whilst I've been away, I have still been working on ideas for blog posts, as well as various other creativities. I guess it is a shame but I haven't really been in the mindset to let these ideas take shape. A few of you may know that I'm a fan of metaphors so lets call these ideas seeds. Seeds that grow into the trees or plants for your favourite fruit. Now these seeds have been planted and every time a little shoot develops a naughty little fox comes along and eats the top all because I have been so focused on other things that I haven't been protecting the shoots. But these seeds are strong, determined little things and they keep pushing. And, perhaps more importantly, very soon I'm going to have time to protect these little shoots. 

So I hope you appreciate that I haven't just abandoned my blog, I've just had way too much on and for a while had to work out which things in my life were the most important, and which I could put on hold for a while. But be assured, I'm back now. And back with regular(ish) posts as well as hopefully a few new surprises coming up over the coming months.

Keep smiling,
Kathryn x

Back around...

So here I am! I know I've been absent for a short while so I'm sorry everyone. I've had a lot going in my life and many things to deal with and juggling it all with two/three jobs, college work, being in and volunteering for a swimming club etc has been a little bit difficult. Never mind finding time to remain sane too! But that's all getting worked on now so all's good. A work in progress and all of that. But that leaves me in a muddle, I am back around and will be posting from time to time but I make no promises about how much because, quite simply, I can't.

But I'm not the only thing that's back around...

At the moment there are people in my life that I never thought would end up back in my life. And I am so thrilled that some of them are. But some of them it would be if they'd remained out of it. In the nicest way possible, obviously. They bring back awful memories, and others still treating me the way they did when I pushed them away so maybe keeping that sort of person at arms length is the best way forward.

And what else is back around? My life. I've literally come full circle, back to the place I was in this time last year. At first I thought that was an awful thing, but it doesn't have to be. I have a second opportunity to fix the things I didn't last year and I really am thankful for the opportunity to do just that. I know it's going to be hard, but hopefully with all of the help I'm getting I won't be going full circle back to the start again. I guess it's true what they say; what goes around does come back around.

Keep smiling,

Kathryn x

Booktober: week 3

So week three's book for 'Booktober' is Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green. So having read and enjoyed a lot of John Green's novels I was extremely excited to get started on this one!

The novel is written by two separate authors; odd numbers chapters written by one author and even by the other. As a way of differentiating between the two storylines, half of the chapters are written uncapitalised. And I think that is where my issues with the novel begin. I am the most extreme perfectionist that you will ever meet and this just aggravated my OCD but because I love the author so much I thought I'd persevere. 

Something about this novel was a little odd though. Usually I find it impossible to put down John Green's books but this time I found myself strangely drawn to the idea. Undoubtedly, the plot was interesting and it wasn't too confusing to follow. However, it just wasn't quite as gripping as I'm used to. 

In some ways I was gripped; I did want to know how it ended. However, I also found that it was a little predictable and written in a way that made it a little bit more monotonous that it could have been. 

In no way am I saying that the book is awful, it's just not quite as good I expected and it didn't live up to my expectations. But expectations are a bad thing. They lead you to be let down. So if anything, I'll let it be a lesson to me. A lesson that teaches me how setting high expectations leads to disappointment. 

I am so extremely apologetic about the post which is a lot more negative but these are only my opinions on the book. If you have anything you'd like to say about the book please do so in the comments below.

Keep smiling, 

Kathryn x

Only human

Something that I know I often do is push myself too hard; I expect myself to do things that I can't or don't have time for then get annoyed at myself when I make a mistake, don't get something done on time or don't get it done perfectly. And I think this may be something that you'll be able to identify with.

As human nature goes, we have a huge tendency to expect too much of ourselves and just be too hard on ourselves. This ends up wearing us out and breaking ourselves down. We agree to things in a desperate effort to please other people but at the end of the day, there's no way that you can ever please EVERYONE. There will always be someone who wanted you to be better, faster, smarter, stronger or more sociable. But you are you and your characteristics make that true! You're flaws, mistakes and the way you deal with them make you unique and perfect and don't let anyone every change them! 

The reason I'm writing this is to say that sometimes you need to accept that saying no to something is okay. If you don't have the relevant skills to do something or the time to do it well (or just need a break) that's okay. If you explain yourself absolutely no one can blame you for taking care of yourself every once in a while. If you're struggling with something it's okay to take a while to consider your options and work out what's best for you; don't feel like something's wrong because you can't figure out what you want right now. And you don't need to be hard on yourself for making mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes after all, we're only human! 

Keep smiling, 

Kathryn x 

Booktober: week 2

This week I've been extremely busy and had so little time to relax or do anything that I really wanted to so I had every excuse not to read a full book this week. But I was not letting that stop me! You have to make time for the small things because sometimes they become the big, important things!

I was in work today on a break and decided that I'd read this week's book: Dead Time by Anne Cassidy. Cassidy is an author that I used to absolutely adore! Her stories have an enjoyable element of mystery and usually a very unpredictable ending which is what I love most. And I thought I'd read all of her books but was thrilled to find she'd relatively recently published a new series called The Murder Notebooks. Obviously I had to get hold of a copy of the first one as soon as possible! 

This book tells the story of not-quite step-siblings Rose and Josh who end up separated after their parents mysteriously go missing. The police insist that it was most likely murder but then close the case and the children are not convinced! They take matters into their own hands to try and discover the truth about what happened that night.

Dead Time was a fantastic read; definitely not a let down. I loved the way that different parts of the story were linked together and the way that mystery and suspense was created. This would definitely be a recommendation to others! 

Keep smiling,

Kathryn x

Booktober

I am a very big fan of Carrie Fletcher who, in case you didn't know, is quite a well-known Youtuber amongst other things. She created 'Booktober' a couple of years ago and basically the idea is to read a new book each week in October. This year I wanted to give it a go! 

I will be reading a new book each week (because I'm a little bookworm!) but I'm doing things a little bit differently! I'm going to write a blog post each week so coming back for a quick review about what I've been reading as well as recommendations! 

Keep smiling, 

Kathryn x

100 questions that no one ever asks tag

Recently I've been really enjoying this sort of blog. It's so great to allow you to get to know me a little bit better and it would be nice if you'd like to leave a comment if there's anything you agree with or disagree with. Hope you don't find it boring!

1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? 

Closed. I cannot sleep with doors open!

2. Do you take the shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?

Well I do if they're nice, if they're not what's the point? I do, however, make a habit of taking whatever biscuits and tea bags they have! Vanilla Chai tea bags are the best

3. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? 

My bed is wedged into the corner or my room with one side next to the wall so that side is tucked in. The other side is left out so half and half

4. Have you stolen a street sign before? 

What? Is there even a valid reason for doing this?

5. Do you like to use post-it notes?

I love post-it notes! I have a small obsession with stationary and pretty much anything that can be used for organisation. And I have a nice little colour-coding system for different types of tasks and their importance

6. Do you cut out coupons but never use them? 

To be honest I don't ever use coupons but I don't cut them out either so no

7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?

Hmmm, I'm thinking the bear but I'm not sure. I'm not really a fan of conflict of any sort so I'd hope it was someone dressed up as a big bear to give me a big bear hug 

8. Do you have freckles?

Yes, a lot! I sometimes made jokes that one day all of my freckles will join up and I'll look permanently tanned 

9. Do you always smile for pictures? 

I try at least; I've got the worst smile going. Just very unphotogenic 

10. What is your biggest pet peeve?

I shouldn't admit to this but I have quite a lot. In fact, I'm going to struggle to pick one. Maybe when people leave a door open part way. Close it properly or leave it fully open, is it so hard? Or people watching me eat. Please, is it really necessary?

11. Do you ever count your steps when you walk?

Yes, I'm not sure why though; I always lose count. Maybe it's just the comfort that numbers never change when everyone and everything around me is

12. Have you peed in the woods?

I have done. You learn that it's not too much of a terrible thing after D of E! I lasted through bronze and silver but at gold you go away for a week

13. Have you ever pooped in the woods?

I have not 

14.  Do you ever dance even if there's  no music playing?

All the time

15. Do you chew your pens and pencils? 

I do, unless they're borrowed

16. How many people have you slept with this week? 

Do teddy bears count?

17. What size is your bed?

Just a single

18. What is your song of the week? 

Oooh, good question. I listen to so much music but none of it will really interest you. Right now I'm enjoying James Blunt's 'Carry You Home'. I know it's quite old but I'm entitled to my own music choice, just as you are :)

19. Is it okay for guys to wear pink? 

Yes, they can wear whatever they like just like I'd want to. I don't like pink so don't wear it but wouldn't want to be.

20. Do you still watch cartoons? 

I didn't ever watch cartoons. Just not a fan.

21. Whats your least favorite movie? To be honest I don't watch too many movies. But one film that I don't particularly like is Twilight. I think the book was great but the film was a little bit of a let down

22. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?  

Now if I told you it wouldn't be hidden would it

23. What do you drink with dinner? 

I'm very fussy about what I eat and drink and at dinner it's just water

24. What do you dip a chicken nugget in? 

I just don't eat chicken nuggets. Like I said, a VERY fussy eater!

25. What is your favorite food? 

Carrot. Sticks of carrot. I'm sure I must have been a rabbit in a previous life

26. What movies could you watch over and over and still love? 

All of the Harry Potter's and Mamma Mia

27. Last person you kissed/kissed you? 

Probably my mum

28. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?

We don't have Girl Scouts here but I was a Rainbow, Brownie, Guide and now I'm a Young Leader

29. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? 

I wouldn't even pose fully clothed. I absolutely hate photographs and what I look like

30. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? 

Yesterday. I love writing letters. So much nicer than sending an email.

31. Can you change the oil on a car?

Nope

32. Ever gotten a speeding ticket? 

I don't even drive yet!

33. Ever ran out of gas? 

SEE ABOVE!

34. Favorite kind of sandwich?

Okay I'm not the biggest fan of sandwiches but I do like a good cheese and tomato toastie. If it has to be a sandwich though, I only like Warburtons Sandwich Thins so it would be one of those with cheese, salad and sweet chilli sauce  

35. Best thing to eat for breakfast? 

I don't like eating breakfast. I physically can't eat before I swim in a morning but I've started forcing myself to on a college morning. So I don't mind banana in yoghurt or Nature Valley bars. And that's it.

36. What is your usual bedtime? 

It depends. Some days I only get in from swimming at ten but as sad as this is, I try to be in bed by ten when I can. I'm a morning person.

37. Are you lazy? 

I certainly hope not!

38. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? 

Usually some variety of witch

39 What is your Chinese astrological sign? 

Absolutely no idea

40. How many languages can you speak? 

That depends on how you define speak. I speak English obviously, then I've studied Spanish for 9 years so know enough for most things and I know just about enough Turkish to get by if I need to

41. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?

I don't

42. Which are better legos or lincoln logs? 

I'm going to have to say Lego on the basis of 'What are Lincoln Ligs?'

43. Are you stubborn? 

I try not to be and don't think so but its probably better to ask someone else

44. Who is better…Leno or Letterman? 

Who or who?

45. Ever watch soap operas? 

Nah, I waste my time watching The Great British Bake Off. Unless you count Waterloo Road, Casualty or Holby City but they're dramas really

46. Are you afraid of heights? 

Nope

47. Do you sing in the car? 

I sing everywhere 

48. Do you sing in the shower? 

I said EVERYWHERE 

49. Do you dance in the car? 

I like to dance but is there really enough room in the car?

50. Ever used a gun?

Actually, yes. Yes I have. Scared yet?

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? 

Probably my last school photo which was 12 months ago. Unless you count the school photographer, in which case it was Wednesday for the college council

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? 

Some are and some aren't but I do love musicals

53. Is Christmas stressful?

Yes, but it's usually close to worth it

54. Ever eat a pierogi? 

I don't know what that is but I'll assume not. I'm such a fussy eater so it's unlikely 

55. Favourite type of fruit pie? 

Cherry or rhubarb (but not together!)

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Doctor, lawyer, journalist, writer, blogger/youtuber (hmmmm) and (the one that I haven't grown out of) a maths teacher

57. Do you believe in ghosts? 

Sometimes I like to but I'm not sure

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? 

Once

59. Take a vitamin daily? 

Yes, which sucks but I guess it's important for me

60. Wear slippers? 

I prefer slipper socks

61. Wear a bath robe? 

Dressing gown? I do, but only when it's very cold

62. What do you wear to bed? 

Pyjamas!

63. First concert?  

Not been yet! Please someone change that ;)

64:Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? 

Where, where or where? I'll assume they're the American equivalent of ASDA

65. Nike or Adidas? 

It depends what for but usually Nike

66. Cheetos Or Fritos?

I don't eat crisps; really don't like them

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? 

Both! Finally found something I do eat

68. Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? 

Yeah

69. Ever take dance lessons? 

From the age of two to fifteen: ballet, tap, modern, jazz, disco, street, cheerleading

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?  

Not really, I don't mind as long as he's happy

71. Can you curl your tongue? 

Yes

72. Ever won a spelling bee?

We don't have them but I think I might be able to. Everyone comes to me for spellings 

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? 

Yes, a few times but usually at work

74. Own any record albums? 

I do. ABBA and Bon Jovi

75. Own a record player? 

Again, yes I do!

76. Regularly burn incense?

I don't but I forever burn candles. My salted caramel Yankee candle is nearly finished :(

77. Ever been in love? 

I'm not sure

78. Who would you like to see in concert? 

Imagine Dragons, Demi Lovato, Gabrielle Aplin, Amy MacDonald. I could go on...

79. What was the last concert you saw? I've not :(

80. Hot tea or cold tea? 

Hot green tea with lemon

81. Tea or coffee? 

Both but if I had to choose I'd go with coffee

82. Sugar or snickerdoodles?

Neither

83. Can you swim well? 

I'm a competitive swimmer who swims for fifteen hours a week, a lifeguard, coach and teacher so I'd like to think so

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? 

Yes

85. Are you patient? 

I really do try to be

86. DJ or band, at a wedding? 

DJ I think but I've never really thought about it

87. Ever won a contest? 

Yes, I've won odd things like creative writing competitions and a bookmark designing competition. I was such a cool kid

88. Ever have plastic surgery? 

Nope

89. Which are better black or green olives? 

Eewwww! Neither

90. Can you knit or crochet? 

Nope, my grandma tried to teach me but I don't have very good hand eye coordination 

91. Best room for a fireplace? 

Bedroom or living room 

92. Do you want to get married? 

Yes

93. If married, how long have you been married?

I'm not married

94. Who was your HS crush? 

Why would I answer that?

95. Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? 

Nope, I know it's not the solution

96. Do you have kids? 

No

97. Do you want kids? 

Yes, but I'd also like to foster or adopt

98. What's your favorite color? 

Purple!

99. Do you miss anyone right now? 

Yes

100. Who do you tag?

I tag my wonderful Nutmeg megangoodier.blogspot.co.uk

Hope this has helped you to get to know me a little bit better! And until next time...

Keep smiling,

Kathryn x